Thursday, September 15, 2005

Time to get serious.

Well, I know most of my posts have been somewhat surface-ee, but I'm looking to change that.

Tonight I went to the Wednesday service at the AG church. Lately I have been feeling kinda "bleh" spiritually -- just a lack of motivation and discipline I guess. I've been trying to pray my way out of it, but then I just get lazy and don't do anything about it. Anyways, the message and worship was good tonight, and I got prayed for, and as I was being prayed for I found myself praying repetitively for 3 things.

Passion, Purpose, Path.

These are the three things that I want the most, and probably in that order.

A Passion. I want it to hurt so bad! I've felt this sort of passion when interceding for my youth group, or my home town, or when I'm truly worshipping, or when God speaks to me or through me. I want this to consume me.

A Purpose. I want my Passion to lead to have a Purpose, a reason for being. I want to know what it is God has been preparing me for, and to be able to live that out. Or atleast my Purpose right now, my reason for being where I am, and how I can best live that out.

A Path. I want to know where my Passion and Purpose will lead, or how to get to the place where that Passion and Purpose can be fulfilled.

I feel so lacking in all three of those areas right now, except for short bursts where I get a little passion, yet it quickly fades without purpose or a path.


I have been thinking more about doing some missions work or something next year, or maybe even the year after that if I do a Chi Alpha internship. For some reason it doesn't seem like the right path right now, but it may just be a good experience... I don't know.

Going back to my original ideas of partnering with Paul & Sunia Gibbs sounds a bit more exciting, but I don't know. Sometimes I fear that I will waste my time/abilities/self on just filling a small role somewhere. I have had this feeling of being created for something big since I was young, and I don't want to lose that vision.

From the cabins of the mind,
we wander on and stumble blind,
wade through the table maze,
and starless nights and sunless days,
looking for kind of clue for to what to do,
hoping for the road to lead us to the truth.


La Reina Loca said...

Hey. I didn't really realize that you blogged...
anyway, It was really good to talk to you.
I just want you to know that you were very helpful and I will be praying for your path.
...'cause thats really the only missing link, right?
be blessed.

Keldog said...

hey dude man,
i hope you had a good weekend visiting lexi and hangin w/ the girls! only wish i could've been there!

i'm excited for you and for where God is leading you! i just know that He's got you exactly where He wants you, to be hungry and to be asking the questions.
"if you ask it will be given, seek and you will find, knock, and it will be opened to you"
may seem weird, but the questions are the passion! but i also agree w/ you and long for the same things! so i'll be praying for you for sure!!! hope to talk to you soon. miss ya man!

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Kansas City, Missouri, United States
I'm a full-time lover of Jesus. I work, learn, and pray at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City. I live simple, and seek God with all my heart.

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